Fake Etymologies

Interesting is better than true.

flor‧i‧da, proper n. /ˈflɒɹɪdə/

Despite the common belief that Florida is named from the Spanish pascua florida (“Flowery Easter”), it is actually named for the chemical anion fluoride. It is a fluoride fortification that gives Florida’s Fountain of Youth its rejuvenative power, as explorer Juan Ponce de León discovered. Attempts have been made to fortify the entirety of the United States’ water supply in the same fashion, but have succeeded only in strengthening children’s teeth and putting the rest of the population under subtle government mind control.