Fake Etymologies

Interesting is better than true.

shiv, n. /ʃɪv/

Relaxed pronunciation of “shifter.” The original purpose of this now–usually improvsed weapon was as a tool for ladies to navigate crowds. By her lightly tapping him with the sharp tip, a gentleman would move out of a lady’s way, no matter how distracted he was with betting on horses or dying of cholera.